Torlando Today

A cat smoking a cigarette

noreply@blogger.com (TORLANDO) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 04:39:00 +0000

Another short poem I thought of tonight.

Tonight as I drove home,
I saw a lot of cats crossing the street.
I thought I saw one smoking a cigarette.

A kid I remember

noreply@blogger.com (TORLANDO) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 04:37:00 +0000

This is a short poem I am writing about a kid I remember from kindergarden.

When I was in kindergarden
There was a kid who was in a fire as a baby
Half of his face was burned and his right arm was gone
He also had no right ear.
I remember feeling sad that he couldn't properly do the pledge of elligience.
Or it was the other side of his body and I remember thinking, he lucked out because he can still do the pledge of elligience.
Memory is alive that way.
We also shared a locker together.
Later on in life I found out that he was really good at soccer.
I always thought he was from India but now I'm thinking he was probably Hispanic.

The end.

Something Wrong with this Picture

noreply@blogger.com (Torlando) — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 17:37:00 +0000

So I was on my daily internet browse today when this pop-up came along to entice.

I almost clicked to win, but then I noticed something. Who can tell me what it is?

Professional website

noreply@blogger.com (TORLANDO) — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 14:28:00 +0000

Hello world!
I've got my new portfolio website up and running for the most part torlandomileshakes.com
Not sure if that's a link since I'm using a moble app to write this but if it's not then I will fix it later.
You will notice when you open the page that it includes my other blog miles of smiles on the home page. So those two things are merged now and the rest of the site holds my art work.
So the new site will be a place for a more cohesive blog and portfolio and torlando today will continue to be the rediculousness of my happening and stories from work and other rantings.
Thanks and I hope you visit the site!

Raphael Saadiq "Let's Take a Walk"

noreply@blogger.com (Torlando) — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 06:47:00 +0000

take a walk outside from videos222 on Vimeo.

I'm not sure why I decided that this would be best on this blog, but I did. I'm not sure that I'm even crazy about it. I do love doo-wop, but maybe I don't like such obvious throw backs, you know, maybe I want something a little more subtle. I feel like this kid has just watched the VH1 Temptations movie as much as I did and told the director I want that. I could be wrong... but those were david ruffin glasses.

I think my main point this evening is that there is a shift going on in the pop world. And I don't know if I mention this at all but I feel like everything is going back to the 50's. About five and half years ago I started to make this change in myself. I wore more casual slacks and shirts with collars. But at the time it was just my mom and dad asking me why I was dressing like an old man. Since that time I've gone back and forth in between jeans and trousers, but after my late night online shopping spree I'm totally going for it. I bought nothing but slacks and sweaters and a beautiful hat that I just learned is shipping. This hat:

I'm no trend setter though, I'm just a guy who dresses kinda weird and then all of a sudden is a complete trendster without changing a thing. Its used to bother me in high school but then I went through that I don't care what people think of me stage, but now I'm in that I do care what people think of me, but in a healthy way. What I'm really trying to say is, I'm bout to look goooooooood.

science

noreply@blogger.com (Torlando) — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 15:32:00 +0000

When I was in the eighth grade I had a science teacher that asked the class what was the smallest size mirror that you could use and still see your whole body. I thought, well, I suppose as long as you were back far enough and you could still see the mirror, then it could probably get pretty small. She said no, and that the mirror had to be at least your exact height and width in order to see your entire body. That was when I stopped trusting teachers to come up with real facts. I went home that night to test her theory only to find out that it was incorrect. Today I figure the only science she really valued was the science it took to give her enormous fake boobs. The tough thing is, you can't teach kids that sometimes their teachers are teaching bogus material. That would be a scenario when the exception became the rule. And kids will do that, so you never teach the exception, you only make them.

I remember another time in elementary school when I was taught something by a teacher that didn't have much authority behind it. There was a boy in my class that made fun of me for something, I can't really remember, it had something to do with an overhead projector. And later on that day she tried to explain to me that emotional scars last longer than physical scars. And she sited and emotional example from her life and a physical example. She had some scar on her hand and said that the scar would eventually go away. I thought, well you're pretty old and if it hasn't gone away yet, IDK, but I didn't say that to her. Around that time it became popular amongst boys to scratch a small layer of skin off the top of your hand as a test of strength. We were boys, what do you expect? Looking at my skin to day I can still see a faint scar of where I tested my manhood and yet I have no clue as to how that boy offended me. All I remember was that I was at the overhead projector and he said something. And the only reason I remember who it was that said anything was because he was really good at basketball and could nearly dunk on an eight foot rim, which I can sort of do now. Thinking of those two "scars" neither of them are really that big of a deal.

In conclusion, I'm not saying don't trust teachers, because they can be helpful, but do realize that some of them are really full of crap. So maybe this is a message to teachers, don't be full of crap or some kid is going to call you out on it, and maybe that emotional scar will last longer than any physical laceration, but I doubt it because at the end of the day, you have a job, an education, a car, house, maybe not a lot of money, but good benefits, and you are an adult.

Two Quizes in Twenty Minutes

noreply@blogger.com (TORLANDO) — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 15:08:00 +0000

I just had a truly terrifying experience. I looked at my schedule this morning suddenly realizing that there would be a quiz at the beginning of the class. So I decided to be on time. As I sat down, I looked to make sure I was sitting next to the most bodacious woman. And I got out my pen and turned off my iPod. And I looked around and saw that everyone was reading a copy of a story by Benjiman Franklin and I thought oh great they must have put something up on oncourse and I did not get it. I didn't even check. (bare in mind this is an art history class - renaissance) so I think well Benjiman Franklin was a Renaissance man I suppose. And so I get out my phone and check oncourse. Well the server is jammed and I can't connect. So I'm like ok this is alright I'll just wing it. I know about old ben, a penny saved and all that, catheder, illegitimate children ok I got this. Then the ai comes in and it is not the normal ai. And I think, well swine flu is going around and the university is really pressuring instructors to stay home so I say must be a sub. And then he passes out the quiz. Four questions. First question, what did Benjiman Franklin put on his chart to show he made a fault? Ok easy, a check mark. It's a guess but it makes some sense. Question two, Benjiman Franklin wrote of a man that bought an ax, what did the man decide to think at the end? Oooookkkkaaaayyy, he decided that he didn't actually need to use the ax. I'm doing gooooooood. Question three, who did Mark Weber say was the example of a "essential capitalist"? ............. Thomas Jefferson? Why have I never heard about any of this in class!?! Then I look around and realize that I don't recognize a single person in this class. Am I in the wrong class? I look at the top of the paper. Section number L241.....hmmm......my class number is what? A102? I'm in the wrong class. Ai says there is 5 minutes left on the quiz, as rolling stones would say, should I stay or should I go now? I check my schedule again, I'm in the wrong room, I go to this room tomorrow.
So I decide to fold up the quiz, get up, not say a word, not look at anybody, and just leave. I arrive at my proper class I walk into the lecture hall, the professor says we are on the essay portion, start there. The exam says describe the image. I've never seen this image before in my life!!! I look at the two previous questions to gain some sort of context. Some glimmer of hope. The question is a list. Title, artist, date, etc. THAT DOESNT HELP!!! HOW WOULD I EVEN KNOW THOSE ANSWERS!!!
So I wing it.
Two quizes in twenty minutes.

Obama's Article in the NewYork Times on Healthcare reform.

noreply@blogger.com (Torlando) — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 04:56:00 +0000

You know what? I'm one of the 50 million Americans who don't have health insurance. You know why? Because I can't afford it. I'm 24 and an independent student and am not covered by my parents anymore. I can barely afford my most basic needs. I have about two or three health items that could use some attention but they would all be considered pre-existing conditions because I had them checked out when I was on my parents plan, and got turned down by the insurance companies for coverage, and even after paying the doctors straight up, the problem is still there. Now ain't that somethin' else. Read this article in the New York Times by President Obama and pass it on. Why We Need Health Care Reform

6th sense technology. The tourists dream machine.

noreply@blogger.com (TORLANDO) — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 01:45:00 +0000

I just caught this TED video over at code2ave.com and can I just say that I love technology. This is something that I would use, although I would prefer if it were in the form of eyeglasses and a medallion for the projector. The eyeglasses, having a couple different styles and made available in tinted or non and the medallion hopefully with either a piece symbol or the continent of africa for a lens cap. I could also see it being stolen from the MIT kid who invented it and then becoming an app in the app store. AAAAPPPPPPLLLLLLEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Inventions of the future.

noreply@blogger.com (TORLANDO) — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 03:01:00 +0000

When I was 9 years old I had two great inventions. My mom just bought a caller ID and I realized text could be transferred through telephone cords. I thought that radio stations should be able to do this with telephone cords and display the names of musicians and songs that were playing. Little did I know that this would happen through the internet and satellites. When XM Radio came out I thought, great, there goes my great invention done better. The next invention came at the age of 11 when I invented Roller Blades with shocks in the wheels, those too became a reality but not by me. Those are just a couple examples.
But now in this new segment entitled "Inventions of the Future" I will be letting out my latest ideas for inventions that I think would work. Only to let them be discovered and invented for the purposes of human advancement.

1) In the future television, computers and telephones will all operate via free public wifi and will all be variations of the same thing. Phones will be full out computers, tv's will be phones and computers will be tvs and vice versa. Televisions will have a computer operating system and hard drive where it will store television shows, and movies and any other file that is desired. There will be a built in webcam that will allow for video conferencing and the remote control will operate like a wireless mouse or wii remote.
(you might be saying to yourself, "ain't that the idea of AppleTV?" Naw!, It aint't, you don't know when I thought of that either!)

2) Individually Wrapped Frozen Pizza Slices. Look, imediate nay sayers can be shut down by he individually wrapped cheeses. Its a soccer mom thang, ya'll don't know about that. You might got three kids and all of them want a different kind of pizza so its a waste to make a whole frozen pizza and those individual pans are too expensive and the kids hardly ever eat the whole thing. Just unwrap, pop them in the toaster oven and you're good. (And pizza pockets are gross.)

3) Back to technology. In the future we need to think about our cars. and I'm not talkin about flying cars, i'm not talking about gas or power. I'm talking about systems. Right now, we are leaving behind the cd player in the car and starting to plug in our ipods, but in the future, you won't even need to bring your ipod, your car will have a built in hard drive. Prolly a terabyte put in the trunk like you used to put in them six disk changers. The stereo will be a sophisticated touch screen interface that will connect to the internet via wifi (3G network in the early years) and gps. Much like the television there will be a built in webcam and telephone application that goes based off of your internet telephone number that you will also use for all of your other appliances, television, cellphone, computer. And oh yeah, you wont have a cell phone plan, you'll just buy the device and operate via wifi. (But thats when wifi is everywhere)

I give the invention of these three things, two years to go from luxury to necessity.

Cooking

noreply@blogger.com (TORLANDO) — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 02:53:00 +0000

I think I have thought to myself a total of three times that I would like to start cooking more.
Each time I think that I try to cook and end up mildly disappointed. Its not that my food is gross, but i will say that for all of that effort in buying ingredients and preparing and then cooking, the return is very meager indeed. Not to mention the clean up.
For me the real miracle is in food that you don't have to buy, or cook or clean up after. The food is always amazing and I'm always happy at the end. That's why I love america and why being a kid was so great.

some thangs I didn't know

noreply@blogger.com (TORLANDO) — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 06:58:00 +0000

I didn't know A&E gave ex-tampa bay buccaneers wide-out and ESPN analyst, Keyshawn Johnson, his own interior design show. I watched it today and thoroughly enjoyed myself.

(they ended up not going with the wallpaper, much to keyshawn's dismay)

Did you know that kip takes pictures?

noreply@blogger.com (TORLANDO) — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 04:37:00 +0000

yeah, kip from napoleon dynamite. This is hilarious.

Jupiter jack

noreply@blogger.com (TORLANDO) — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 03:20:00 +0000

Man sittin here watchin the tv and billy mays comes on sellin the Jupiter jack. Go to jupiterjack.com to see what it's about. He was definately at level ten the whole time. There was a role playing segment when he actually used the device. It was also at a level ten.

Going back to indiana

noreply@blogger.com (TORLANDO) — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 03:16:00 +0000

I always have a particular experience whenever I travel. I tend to become engaged with the pertinence of where I live which is Indiana and reflect on the places I've lived in the past. (I.e. Michigan, out west, down south) maybe I will one day live in the east although I do frequent the idea of becoming a fisherman in Mexico or a house painter in Spain. But I am a terrible fisherman and knowing my luck they are probably really into wallpaper in Spain. So when I do travel, which is not often, (I do not know if that is enough or not enough) but when I do I become caught up with the idea of going back to Indiana. You know the old Jackson 5 song. As I was driving north through indiana I took notice of a true Midwestern sunset. The plane farmland with dilapitated barns and hawks perched on highway signs. The sun, orange and round bursting through the straight and tall stick like trees in the distance. I saw with my eyes the establishing shot that gave meaning and metaphor to my trip back to my home state. And that old Jackson 5 song played on the radio. "Cause that's where my baby's from. "

A Hunger Artist

noreply@blogger.com (TORLANDO) — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 06:17:00 +0000

This is a copy of a post I shared on my new blog specifically about animation, and I just realized that I probably should have posted it here as well, just in case some of you out there didn't add miles of smiles to your bloglines or next preferred blog reader. tut tut. PS I'm back in America and I had a good time in japan.

I am very excited about this post. The reason for this is because I finally have jumped through the proper compression hoops to upload my and dear friend Erin Robinson's last video art piece from our video class last semester. We started the project around spring break time and finished in late april. We primarily worked in Adobe AfterEffects, and also used Flash, Photoshop for coloring, and Premiere Pro CS4 for the final edit. My good friend DM Stith provided the music from his album Heavy Ghost on the Asthmatic Kitty Record Label and he also portrayed the Hunger Artist himself. The story was inspired by Franz Kafka's short story "A Hunger Artist". Enjoy.

A Hunger Artist from Torlando Hakes on Vimeo.

The Sound of Silence

noreply@blogger.com (TORLANDO) — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 15:59:00 +0000

My heart was a little heavy today, and head like the milk weed. Sometimes I think God battles negativity with generosity. My own thoughts of negative things or situations are egged on by the world and yet I feel that the universe is for me.
The battle is fierce and the clouds of dankness are thick. But God won today.

I remember being very impressed by the music of Simon & Garfunkel when I first watched The Graduate but I never got into them beyond that until a few days ago when I heard an instrumental version of The Sound of Silence in a restaurant in Japan. The song could not escape my mind and my roommate who was visiting me would hum the harmony with me as i worked out the melody with my own hums. Then I looked up this old recording of a performance

When they talk about people not loving each other in the beginning, that's where my heart was feeling heavy. But as I said God won today. And the people of Japan have been very generous. We decided to go to Dominoes today. I used to work at Dominoes and I can tell you that in America Dominoes is not a group that is happy to serve anyone. But these workers were legitimately happy to serve us pizza. They were so moved by the spirit of service that they gave all of us Dominoes soup bowls that I didn't know existed.

Unfortunately their generosity was lost on this ol' poopy pants pupil. But the universe did not give up on me. As I became progressively more self-aggravating as the night went on, I felt that the only remedy would be some good old fashion mac donald's french fries. And so I walked all the way down there to find out they were already closed. So I figured I'd go down to the Lawson Station and pick something up, which I did. But I really wanted meat. And Yoshinoya was close, and open. So I went.
Upon ordering and trying my best to describe that I wanted no onion I engaged in conversation with a young Japanese man. His English was about as good as my Japanese so we immediately had something in common. He asked me how I was, I asked him how he was. And that was about the gist of it. So here is where the sound of silence and the universe come together to win tonight. The song talks of people who are talking without speaking and hearing without listening. If I could have said more in his language or if he knew more of mine, I would have talked to him and he would have heard me. But instead I think he listened to me and I spoke to him without him hearing anything or me talking at all. And he bought my meal. I understood that even though we were strangers, I was a guest in his country and we were brought together for a purpose.

The Five Crowns

noreply@blogger.com (TORLANDO) — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 13:45:00 +0000

My family is pretty musical. My moms dad had a group called Hot Howey and the Hot lips back in his heyday and he played the saxophone for them. And my Dad was a Michael jackson impersonator in College and then went on to produce an album in the mid-90's. And I was always told that his dad, my grandpa was in an old chicago doowhop group called The Five Crowns. We just found a track on Youtubes. All Hail Youtubes.

Miles of Smiles

noreply@blogger.com (TORLANDO) — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 12:55:00 +0000

Hi everyone, I've decided to start a new blog. One a little more geared toward art and comics and whatnot. We'll see how diligent I am with it. I'm making it under the pretense that it will be a place where people can see my stuff when they ask as opposed to me subjecting my artwork upon the few readers of Torlando Today. I'll
still do Torlando Today, but it will prolly be my usual complaints about the Bannekids and other poopery nonsense. and the link is milesofsmilescomic.blogspot.com

And for some more japan you can of course go to my flickr But I will give you a preview.
These photos were taken in Kyoto. We saw a lot of shrines and temples on this trip. But a couple of impressive things here were the massive coy. I've never seen a group of fish this large in an outdoor pond before. They were beautiful. My professor is chinese and he told me of the old fable about how if a coy swims up a waterfall it turns into a dragon and that's like getting your big break in life. I don't know about the getting a break in life thing but I just might believe these things can turn into dragons. Preferably ones that breathe snakes who in turn breathe killer bees. Its a trifecta.

We also went to the ocean on this trip to see the two rocks that were tide together with rope? I got some good pics and since I'm sort of into frogs like weird white women are, I decided to show this funny statue, which I'm sure has some sort of religious meaning.

This was a really neat shrine. Solid Gold.

Just a few photos today

noreply@blogger.com (TORLANDO) — Mon, 25 May 2009 14:06:00 +0000

this is the welcome sign for us students to the photography and film school here in osaka. I believe it is a college but it behaves more like a high school with classrooms and lockers and a prinicple. the principle really likes how fat my belly is.

here is a little good luck shrine where you ring a huge bell, bow twice, clap twice, pray, then bow again and make a prayer. The principle of the photograph school said I midth nee to pray for a girlfriend. I sort of agree.

here we are at a sushi bar on a conveyor belt. I had a lot of high price fish.
ok bye

Made in Japan

noreply@blogger.com (TORLANDO) — Sun, 24 May 2009 15:27:00 +0000

Today I arrived in Japan. Its my first time out of the country and I'm sort of like, ok this is neat. Everyone has been pretty nice so far. We went down town and saw some of the city. There were some pretty hip lookin dudes with GoKu hair. I didn't know it could do that in real life.
I also figured out how to bypass jet lag, that's by sleeping/being awake during the time your destination is while you're on the plane and using one of those neck pillows that look like seat cushions for public restrooms. Subsequently you can use those pillows in the airplane lavatory to ease your situation during "mobile relief". Being in this foreign land makes me want to pick up some of that foreign language (if you know what I mean)(chances are you do because I'm speaking english and most of my readers understand english)(perhaps a hidden metaphor would have sprung if I used another language like spanish, ¿me entiendes?¿eh? ¿eh?) So yeah, I'm bringing out some of my old missionary language learning techniques so I can impress my friends with about 20 or less japanese words.
ja mata

Manmachine

noreply@blogger.com (TORLANDO) — Fri, 22 May 2009 14:29:00 +0000

I'm getting ready to leave for japan this fine morning and as i sat down to eat my rich & creamy edy's Grand ice cream for breakfast, I read a really good webcomic. it has been really hard so far in the web comic sphere to find things that are truly beautiful. And Manmachine is really beautiful. You may want to check it out.

noreply@blogger.com (TORLANDO) — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 13:29:00 +0000

So the other night, there was a church dance. And you should know that church dances are very removed from normal college clubbing atmospheres. We have a book of conduct that says dance rooms should be well lit inviting the presence of the holy ghost. Because as it turns out he's afraid of the dark. this little light of mine is nothing more than a mickey mouse night light. I've had it since I was five. And the dancing at these dances is partially rhythmic partially swing with the understanding that both terms are relative. So I went to this dance and I was not excited to go. I was a camp counselor for a few summers and I figured I'd see some of my kids that had turned 18 recently. I was right. And I felt obligated to ask them to dance, that inward feeling that tugs at my ego. I was a very cool counselor. It also just so happens that I am on the committee that organized this particular dance. I'm a very person and I don't really have time to help as much as I should, between school, a job, private business and hulu.com My time is stretched thin. And I'm not sure but I think it was my responsibility to find a dj, being the most sensibly urban of the group. But I just didn't have the time you know? So I told them I know someone, he's really cool, very fashionable, great taste...His name is Mac...He's an mp3j he's got a great interface. Mac wasn't available so they ended up going with some geek named Dell. so I get to the party, its just as I expected, and I didn't want to dance. they had lighting and streamers and they forgot about decorating so half hour before it started we just grabbed all of the holiday decorations we could find and figured we'd have a multi-holiday theme, you know? Why spread out the holidays when we can just cram 'em in before easter. The decorations were a smash! I saw Father Christmas and the Great Pumpkin forming a limbo line. The thanksgiving turkey started laying eggs and the easter bunny got jealous. John Smith left Pocahontas for one of the Angels Heard on High. All was going well until Dell started to fatigue. He became an emotional wreck when he started playing Disturbia after playing a Chris Brown song, started to skip and we found ourselves without music at a dance. Now I do not DJ. It is not my thing. Somethings are, some are not. I don't do dances and especially not church dances, my tastes...are to worldly. But alas I was the one with the ipod in my pocket, which is funny because I almost left my house with out it but something told me to go back and get it, I think it was the mickey mouse night light. And so I plugged into the sound system and started playing Prince, it was off of his songs formally known as hits record. I had it. 1999 is a little ironic ten and twenty years later. Its like reading 1984 or watching Demolition Man with sylvester stallon. I was very worried about censorship. I kept screening the songs for curse words before I played them. I started to run out of clean wholesome dance music toward the end of the night...so I began to frantically download pirated clean versions of songs formally know as hits.
so thats my perpetual lesson in reading the fine print before you volunteer to do anything.

Announcement Doodles

noreply@blogger.com (TORLANDO) — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 04:14:00 +0000

this sunday's doodle was inspired by one of my top five favorite tv shows, Friday Night Lights. I won't say how the season ended or anything but you could say that this picture is a clue. I will say that I was completely satisfied with the season as a whole, I think there was a certain amount of closure that I needed and a good amount of cliff hanging.

Announcement Doodles

noreply@blogger.com (TORLANDO) — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 23:08:00 +0000

And now for a new segment we like to call "Announcement Doodles". I've got a mind deficiency, at least I think it is, where when there is one thing that needs my attention, I have a hard time focusing on it unless there is something else competing for that attention. So at church when I as a nice little mormon boy need to be paying attention to the talks, I draw. I've decided that it might be fun to display the drawings on my blog. So here is drawing one.

for the younger kids in the audience it's a scene from the lourne michaels produced feature length film, "the coneheads"