Wednesday, January 30, 2008

alright so I have just been inspired by Aziz Ansari's blog, he's the dude on human giant in the middle, he's funny. He's really funny. So anyway, my boy sean told me how he wrote some fanfiction on friday night lights and I thought it was awesome, but I don't know if I would have taken the story in that direction, so I'm going to continue it the way that I would do it.

The gang was all gathered around the school bleachers, a little down because smash had just been suspended for three games and they did not know if the smash was really a racist as the news was portraying or if he was just protecting his sister like he said (and we all saw when he was in the theatre with that white girl in the white neighborhood, and that was the case) But more important than their all-to-unsure feelings about the smash, they had bigger problems on hand.

SARACEN:What about the team smash? you think you can just go and punch unexpecting white boys in their cleaner than yours, safe, suburban theatre? What about the team? I thought you were better than that?

SMASH: The smash is not a closest racist alright matt baby? Baleedat! I was just doin what the smash do. But there is one thing you need to know. Lila Garrity is in grave danger, and to be honest with you, I wasn't suspended for three games. I have to go on a quest to save Lila. Its all a cover up.

Meanwhile, Lila and Tim Riggens are in a locked room, being held captive, against their will.

Lila: The only person who needs to be saved here is you Tim, forrealsies this time.
Tim: But Lila I feel safe around you and I will never let anything happen to you, I don't care what those evil alien life forms do to me, I just want to keep you safe!

8 hours earlier...
ALF: Where is that pizza?!? I called an hour ago! you said it'd be here in half an hour! DOMINOS: Sir, we have here that you asked for carry-out not delivery, your pizza has been here for about 45 minutes. ALF: Is that so? Well in that case I'm on my way. Alright Tim Riggens and Lila, I have to go pick this pizza up, that should give the two of you enough time to sort things out. All of us friday night lights fans really want you two to get together. TIM: Right? ALF: I'm sure that christian guy is nice, but don't you find the whole stadium church scene a little creepy? Anyways, I'll leave you two alone...Are you sure you don't want any cat on your pizza? TIM & LILA: NO!!

Back at the Alamo Freeze...
SARACEN: Alright Mrs. Taylor, I hope that your tiny elf gnome gets better with h-her booboo, I think the ice cream should h-harden or stiffen, I'm not a d-doctor or anything but thats just what dairy does to my grandma. MRS. TAYLOR: Thanks Matt!

SMASH: spst spst Saracen! Gear up baby! Its time for the smash and matt attack. SARACEN: alright I'll be be ready in a minute.
JULIE: matt...

SARACEN: Julie, what are you doing here? I thought I s-said we're over? I don't have time to talk.

SMASH: aye girl aye! the smash always has time for a white girl let's talk baby.

SARACEN:Smash! shut up, listen I need to go help riggens and Lila, they're in trouble.
JULIE: Should I tell my dad?
SARACEN: No, this is something me and smash have to take care of.
JULIE: Be safe Matt.

SMASH: alright let's go Matt.

STREET: You're not going anywhere...

without me.

SARACEN: What about your legs? you can't walk.
SMASH: Street, you're my boy, but I'm sorry man, you'll only slow us down.
STREET: Then it looks like I'll have to lose my wheels.

MATT: How did you just stand up, this is a miracle!
STREET: I can't explain it, there is something special about this island. Now let's go save the cheerleader, which will in turn allow us to save the world.

In walks Coach Taylor... Can you do this son? Can you do this? SARACEN: Y-yes coach. Coach Taylor: Are you sure? Clear Eyes! Full Hearts! ALL: CANT LOSE!
RIGGENS: COACH! I escaped from those bastards. Can I be back on the team? COACH TAYLOR: Forget about it. SARACEN: Coach, we need him. SMASH: Coach, with all due respect, now is no time to be proud.

COACH TAYLOR: Fine, get out there.

To Be Concluded....

Next time on FNL...

Hello Dominos? Yeah I just ordered a pizza for carryout and I got back home and realized it doesn't have any tabby cat meat on it, I thought I said half tabby wha-? Yeah, I'll hold...

Thursday, January 24, 2008


why does this picture of Jerry O'Connell look exactly like Dane Cook?
I don't remember them looking alike.

AND ANOTHER THING! I remember thinking after watching Dane Cook's comedy special on Comedy Central that I thought he was kinda funny, but now, hm I'm not really convinced, in fact I'm convinced that he's retarded. Top Ten Don't Be That Guy.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Son of a Gun, My name's been high jacked!

You know, ever so often I google my name to see how internet popular I am, and it used to be that a picture of me dressed as a 65 year old white english dude from a community theatre play I did several years ago would show up. But I guess since everyone has the internet and a camera phone now, you have to dig. So I decided to do a little investigation, see who is using my good name for their benefit and it turns out that Diesel, a clothing company from some country where they use a funny money symbol other than the dollar sign, it must be a ruble or yen or I don't know a euro or sheckle, man I don't know. Any way these T-shirts are way too expensive and the models look rediculous. so here is the compendium of merch that's basically I am selling, because no one would by them other wise (trust me)

There seems to be some thing off to the right of the model that is attracting his gaze, why does his eye discourse so?

I don't even think they say Torlando anywhere on them but that is the name of this line of t-shirt I swayer

I think that this model is trying to look at his own small white ass, these dudes have to be european, cause that's not how we do it in america. Right Top Model?! Right America's most smarest model?

Thursday, January 10, 2008

India Elaine

So I'm in a new class this semester. my schedual really rocks.

so I have this telecom class and the AI looks like the bollywood version of Elaine from Seinfield. If no one knows who that is because they watch black folk television Seinfield was a popular show from the 90's.

Anyway, this got me thinking, what does the bollywood version of myself look like?





Thursday, January 3, 2008

Conversations on "game".

: Too bad I'm watchin this dude fail at tryin to spit game.

What are you watchin? :

: It was a dude in the hallway.

Thats funny. Remember when demarcus McCone was tryin' to spit game? "this is real life girl." :

: Hell yeah. But it didn't work. I'm spittin game tonight at the club.

I'm going to spit game at this chinese girl tomarrow. :

: Do you know chinese?

I know how to say "I love you" and I know Hu the chinese president is. :

: That's all you need.

Exactly :

: I'm gonna tell girls its real life and I'm tryna make moves.

I'm goin to tell them they smell as good as cheese burgers and then draw them a picture of us holding eachother. :

: That will really get her. Tell her babygirl, I'm your future, don't just walk away...

Dude that's hot. :

: Or just say. Chocolate or Vanilla? Baby just take me and get the best of both worlds.

Yeah, cause how many niggas can say that? :

: 24,000. That's it though.

Or I could say, "dang, you're like dennis rodman if he were a little white lady." :

: (lol) What?

Yupk :